Me, Myself and Whatever

28

2011-10-30T12:00:00.000+05:30

I just realized, I was dead
cold and stiff inside my head
I'll say no more, not a single word
what is unsaid will remain unheard

my pain, my guilt, and my dark skies
clouded my mind with silent cries
said to no one, no one to hear
but I had a rhyme for every tear

tide of misery, on shores of gloom
hurtin heart made my words bloom
I found their light, stuck in the dark
I be in pieces but I'll leave a mark!

words of hurt, have a healing effect
written on a wall and left unchecked
that storm's gone now, it's silent after
soul for survival was the barter

appear

2011-06-14T22:06:00.000+05:30

I truly wanted to be
but all they needed from me
was my standing quietly there
and my face to always appear
happy
and content with what I've got
believe in the fairy tales not
coz dreaming's for the closed eyes
none survive as the time flies

I really wanted to feel
but all they wanted to deal
was cards stacked to tradition
and my hand to be complaisant
blindly
and falling within the lines dotted
on the maps of people divided
coz man's animal playing social
who's instincts still base brutal

translation

2011-05-21T21:35:00.000+05:30

I was on a tour of Kerala recently. A nice, clean and beautiful place. A lot could be said about that not in this post. This post is for that one event in Thiruvananthapuram zoo. One of the tourist attractions in this state capital. I was one amongst the hundreds who wondered around those caged animals in that hot, sunny afternoon.

I must say, its a good zoo. laid out well and clean. At one end of the zoo, they have tiger cages. I always imagined them to possess this natural strength. Strength to rule their territory. Strength to instill fear in the hearts and minds of animals on the lower levels of the food chain.

With their muscle strength and claws and teeth and the roar. The deep bass thundering sound declaring their sovereignty. If you here this sound you are supposed to run your non-tiger behind off! Fear and respect the might of the king. That is what it means.

Or so I thought.

Half a dozen of these kings of the jungle, these majestic beasts were displayed for the flocks of onlookers. One of them especially uneasy. pacing hard up and down. fierce but caged and hence helpless. People were passing by the cages. Taking pictures, marveling (?) at the terrible beauty in front of their eyes. And then they moved to the next cage. As I had.

Then it happened. Perhaps, teased by a tourist, or frustrated with the cage or simply due to its nature. One of the tigers snapped and let out a loud, teethy roar.

And what I saw? The tourists looking at the other caged animals nearby, all rushed to see the angry tiger. Ran right towards the angry tiger! Not away from it!! Angry, fearsome, deadly but caged.

The cage had translated the fierce and fearsome roar into a sound of amusement...

slumber rhyme

2011-04-27T21:55:00.000+05:30

the big question blues
and answers with hues
questioning the meaning of questions

the meanings to know
and reasons to show
actioning the freedom of actions

I shook her to wake
but I am not awake
sensing the dream of sensations

In slumber rhyme flows
I wake up and it goes
resuming the reality assumptions

not me

2011-04-25T23:08:00.000+05:30

who is thinking these thoughts?
not me...not me...
who is saying these words?
not me...not me...
I am but a puppet,
with strings tangled up

who is the master of my fate?
not me...not me...

who holds all the keys?
not me...not me...
I am but a kite,
with dreams and dread of free will

memories

2011-03-11T20:20:00.003+05:30

not forgotten
your memories are inside me
rain water in ground

some more

2011-01-31T22:46:00.001+05:30

clouded, heavy rain

missing the clear blue sky

will miss the rain too

---------------

yesterday's dream

I wish to have it again

it's poem unfinished
---------------
a song made me sad
it's all I want to hear now
it's all that heard me
---------------

deleting attachments

2010-07-13T21:10:00.001+05:30

chained in my cave
long shadows on the wall
dusk or dawn?

living my life the way I live

to avenge my life

for the way I lived

slow realization of empty hand
trickling of hourglass sand
deleting attachments

Yes, you do love the rising sun but...

2010-04-10T11:41:00.001+05:30

the exploding hues of golden red and yellow

waking a warm hope in you the breeze cool mellow

mild bright globe hung on the easterly side

drowning the sky in a fresh light tide

its the nature's conspiracy of a biochemical coup

falling in love with the rising sun are you

there's something more that you should know

the inevitable which follows this magnificent show

of the brightness that'll turn your gaze away

then the scorching heat that rains on the midday

lowly evening farewell with escaping twilight

and a sunless night of moon and starlight

the sun is not bound to the eastern low

there's more to it, than the morning show

from the depths of Ich

2010-03-11T10:00:00.007+05:30

Your anonimity
wont hide you from me
or yourself
______________________________

let me shed this

charade of knowledge and
know my ignorance

______________________________

often buried deep

in the grave of the past

is future unborn

______________________________

the worst demons
are born unto
fallen angels of innocence
______________________________

don't look back
at the turn you've missed
next one is coming up
______________________________

you win it or you lose
whatever you may choose
"the real" catches up
______________________________

Loved and Lost
is better than not have loved at all
always and never

Why??

2009-10-28T19:12:00.001+05:30

why am I sleepless at nights?

for all the questions I have or
cause I know them answers too?

why am I so lonely in the crowd?
is it not somewhere I belong or

cause I am trying not to?

why do I second-guess myself?
am I trying to do the right thing

or just scared of being wrong?

why do I keep on trying?
do I say its perseverance or
am I just too damn stubborn?

words!

2009-10-27T22:55:00.007+05:30

words, pray do my bidding

come to me like clear drops of rain

from cloud above my head

Haiku attempted

2009-10-19T02:13:00.033+05:30

No longer broken,

I am a lost heart. And my

mind imprisoned

__________________________________

Write. If anyone

here understands my language.

Write my epitaph

Googling

2009-09-27T20:57:00.002+05:30

googled love - 1,370,000,000 hits in 0.12 seconds...
googled god - 385,000,000 hits in 0.12 seconds...
googled peace - 204,000,000 hits in 0.10 seconds...
googled truth - 188,000,000 hits in 0.16 seconds...
googled harmony - 52,300,000 hits in 0.18 seconds...
looked out my window - ...............things are seriously misplaced...

C.O.D.

2009-09-21T02:44:00.001+05:30

one day I was having
a near death experience
nothing very exotic
didn't involve any violence

kicking, screaming and

gasping for breath

the whole nine yards

that make up a death

just when I spotted

the tunnel and lights

my life went flash

in front of my eyes

and it killed me
:)

V-day poem

2009-02-14T09:59:00.010+05:30

let her not
remember me today
cause today I would really
love to see her happy

today she would want
a shoulder to rest her head on
I hope it's right there
someone with loving care

and then she would
say nothing at all
only wishing to be heard
without uttering a word

and I know she would cry
shed a tear of joy
with feelings flooding over
she needs to know you know her

she would never desire
shining jewels or gold
she'd find a moment loving
and set it in a memory ring

she would perfectly be happy
to share just a toffee
a look, a smile and a promise
of all time to never let her miss

let her have
all this and more
cause today I would really
love to see her happy

write write

2009-02-12T08:53:00.006+05:30

write write, I'm writing down
mind's absent, I'm being a clown
Vogon Wordsworth of the town
fcuk the critics and their frown!

rhyme rhyme, I'm rhyming boy
read or not, it's there, It's a joy
I'm letting it out, I'm no mo coy
time I've got and words to toy!

sing sing, I'm singin a song
A cappella skills next to king kong
sound surround and going strong
we're all beating heart ding dong!

dance dance, I'm dancing one two
hand's up in the air and feet kung-fu
ballet, bhangra and some tango too
let me forget it all and go whoohooo!

high high, I wanna get high
it's just so easy, I'll give it a try
get tempted, give in, won't ask why
in case I don't fly, I can always lie!

cry cry, I wont cry anymore
tears are precious, real's even more
lost the tune and my melody's tore
I'll still sing along life, to get an encore

the photo

2009-02-03T09:12:00.008+05:30

The garden city of India. Although polluted, jammed with traffic of vehicles and people, this "karmabhoomi" of mine is proud of it's green environs. I like that aspect of Banaglore.
One such fine day, when I was clicking through city gardens, just to satisfy itch of being a photographer, I took the picture below. right from the moment I clicked it, I was filled with feeling of guilt and shame for my (our?) social apathy.

Just strolling through the "Cubbon park", with sun going down on my left below the city skyline. Clear day. Merry weekend. lot of pictures to take and that's what I was doing.
This girl selling balloons, was walking along the road just as I came out from the garden (you can see the gate in picture). Walking right along the footpath with a skip in her steps. As she approached me, she stopped. She stopped being a small girl skipping along the garden hedge. Stiffened a bit, she asked me if I wanted a balloon, gaze toggeling between my face and my camera. Eyes hoping that a "bhaiya" with such expensive looking toy, won't mind buying a balloon or two. I said no. No thanks. She trudged a few steps passed me in the same stiff posture. A few steps later, regained her skip to the garden fence, stopped and leaned against the railing.
I was looking at her while she stood their. Within fraction of seconds, the frame was captured in my mind and in next few seconds in my camera. Satisfied, I was of possible captions for the shot.

Right then, a feeling of disgust fell upon me. It was like my conscience spitting on me. Here was a child, who deserved a nurturing protective upraising. needed right education, food and cloths at the least. Who had to work for a living instead and even then had no of present and worse future....
and all that she was to me is a "subject"......
and the worst part is, I didn't know what I did wrong!
I was utterly disgusted of myself. of my screwed up sense of social responsibility (or lack of it). I otherwise claim to be sensible citizen/human. trying to "do the right thing". at times, preaching people about it. doing acts of kindness from my comfortable, safe, well supplied and well stocked cocoon.
what was I REALLY?
what are we really?
should I give up all that I have for wealth/possessions to those who are need?
will that solve the problem?

PS: to add to my shame further. the shame didn't last long. not long enough any ways. I don't see any major change in my every day actions. and I don't see where I could have made a a change.

the signs

2009-02-01T20:15:00.002+05:30

nothing I can tell
is all that I be
curiosity to quell
my mind you see

words I speak
aren't all right wrong
for they be meek
to flow time strong

no means to know it
so says the sign
truth uncertain show it
till the rubics align

2009-01-28T20:15:00.000+05:30

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harder to breathe

2009-01-09T01:24:00.000+05:30

jaded my mind is heartless and
shadows darker and darker are wreathed
silent screams go unheard and
its getting harder and harder to breathe

I stand here....

2008-12-23T19:58:00.005+05:30

I stand here, and the time passes by.
I stand here, and the life goes by.
I stand here, not wanting to move.
I'll stand here waitin, for me to come thru.
--
Anirudha

my "getting over"

2008-12-09T23:27:00.008+05:30

Funny thing happened the other day! It was funny and yet sad for me in a way. I’ll begin at the beginning. Not like anyone is spending their precious time to read this! :P

On last weekend, I decided to pay the “Lalbagh botanical garden” a visit. It’s a famous spot in Bangalore’s list of attractions. I hoped to find some solace while I relaxed and also clicked a few shots with the “Cannon EOS 400D” I borrowed from Chetan (actually, I have exchanged my Nikon D60 with his Cannon for few days.). Some time went in wondering about, trying to find the right spot, the right tree, the right light and right shade. All while I was shooting stuff and getting looks for carrying a “pro” style camera! I quite enjoyed the compliments in people’s gazes or at least I assumed it was so. My stride got taller with each glance I caught!

After legging around a mile or so, I came to conclude that there is no chance finding a calm and quite spot to relax. The botanical garden seemed to be growing people in their lawns! With a renewed understanding for India’s population problem, I finally settled by the side of the lake.

The place and the views in front of me were soothing..ish. All I had to do is ignore the host of young and old, yonder to left, feeding those screeching monkeys!

Old sun leaning to west shimmered in the lake. Waterfowls doing their tricks, cool breeze blowing over water, tiny lil’ waves hitting the shore followed by their identical twins, It was soothing and picturesque. A picture says a thousand words they say. Probably I should put those pictures here just as a proof. But that is not what this post is about! With shadows growing eastwards, I found myself thinking….

As I was hovering on the borders of “self-pity shire”, I asked myself, why do people get over grief/loss/defeat and move on? How?

If what is lost is to be forgotten and is worth forgetting, then wasn’t the effort to obtain it futile in the first place? Doesn’t it mean that all the pain someone endured on that road was only for chasing something which is completely replaceable?

The though kinda devalued “everything worth having” to “moha-maya”.

If you loved someone/something and lost it, how could you ever “get over” it? Wouldn’t that mean that there was no love in the first place? Only desire, instinctive hunger driven by primitive beastly needs. Needs of flesh and bones! And I am not only referring to relationships. Ideologies, goals, knowledge worth seeking, FAITH how can any one ever “get over” loss of these? How can any one ever bring back order to their mind and soul? And after you are hurt, what are you supposed to do? You just move on!? Find something else to chase!!? Why don’t we just fall in disarray forever? Pass into shadows…..

And then it hit me!

In my inner turmoil and desperate cries for a relieving scenario, my scientific counter part found an epiphany! Living things grow, reproduce, adapt, “get over” obstacles/losses/defeats and move on. That was being alive!

Alive things try to reduce disorder in and around them. Life finds a way! If you are alive, you will have anti-entropic tendencies.

And I don’t think they can help it, just like the falling apple.

The smile I wore on my face after this realisation confused many strangers that day! But I didn’t care. I was glad. The joy of learning something new has no match in my list. And doing so on my own, I was one step less to going “eureka!”!

PS: As it turns out, people already knew about this and I didn’t really “discover” gravity…

Not that my joy of learning something vanished, but now I feel like I am not well read as I should be.

RATS!!

the night of good sleep

2008-11-05T18:28:00.004+05:30

My worst enemy these days is a night of good sleep. The kinda night people wish each other before going to bed. You know, “good night, sweet dreams....” I can’t bear those nights anymore. Rather I can’t bear the mornings after. A night of dreams of good memories ends with waking up. Waking up to reality.
The heart ache I get with the realisation that all I had well was nothing more than a dream is murder. It’s the most terrible way of starting a day. That weathering pain somewhere inside me, just for loss of some dreams. Figments of my imagination. I can’t, just can not describe that feeling in words. But it feels like there’s a black hole inside me pulling my innards. Sucking the life, the joy out of me. Yet I am compelled to live. Compelled to go away and endure this pain with a smile on my face.
It’s good to be among strangers in times like these. They don’t recognise the fakeness in your smile. The face you need to pull isn’t as heavy then. Becomes a habit... becomes life….
There is a remedy on this that I have conjured. Not really a remedy or cure actually. More like morphine for some one who is bleeding slowly to death. Imagine/dream good things, think of miracles that could (?) happen in coming future. Set everything back on track. Events highly improbable happen and universe is in my favour again! Then I day dream about these happy moments and just before my rational self wakes up to reality, I wrap the dream around myself!! Swallow it like a pill. Don’t let the bubble burst. Gives a boost. Gets me through the day. Prepares me for the night. To come night of good night sleep that I just can not stand….

countdown

2008-10-30T07:28:00.004+05:30

all you really gotta do is give up.
just go with the flow.
give in, let go, relaxxxxxxx
and everything will be just fine.

unless, you are a self centered egomaniac like me!

3

2

1

*BANG*

whatever goes on in my head........

2008-06-15T21:17:00.001+05:30

Ahhh! Woooh!
What's happening?
Who am I?
Why am I here? What's my purpose in life?
What do I mean by who am I?
Okay okay, calm down, get a grip now.
Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? Its a sort of tingling in my..... Well, I suppose I better start finding names for things. Lets call it a... tail! Yeah! Tail!
And hey, what's this roaring sound, whooshing past what I'm suddenly gonna call my head? Wind! Is that a good name? It'll do.
Yeah, this is really exciting. I'm dizzy with anticipation! Or is it the wind? There's an awful lot of that, now isn't it?
And what's this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like 'Ow', 'Ownge', 'Round', 'Ground'! That's it! Ground! Ha! I wonder if it'll be friends with me?
Hello, Ground!!!

--Thoughts of the sperm whale summoned into existance against all probabilities
From "Hitchhikers guide to galaxy" by Douglas Adams

my apostasy

2008-03-25T21:31:00.012+05:30

don't remember when or how it started

don't know what triggered that change

neither do i recall being particularly strong believer

but i guess it must be around when i started believing in myself.

a lil too much perhaps...

one day i just found myself saying "i don't believe in god!"

and that i DID believe!
rather, i KNEW it!

i knew my prayers are more for me to hear, than anyone else.

i knew my deeds were no more "paap" or "punya" than in my own eyes.

i knew that world bows to nobody but all mighty laws of nature.

armed with this new found confidence in of power of knowledge, i started a fight, a crusade even!

it was me determined to "reason" the world to obey "reason".

valuing facts more than faith.
debating in favour of free thinking and how that MUST be scientific

crazy days, crazy me!!!

this, didn't last.

at least not in the same form.

i came to terms with the surroundings.

some kinda equilibrium i guess.

these days i don't believe in things

at least i do not profess so

i am just trying to be.

and let be................

L for lonely

2008-03-03T21:33:00.005+05:30

you may not realize, but what you feel is how you are. No matter how much you try to hide your feelings, they leave their mark on you. the way you talk, walk, see, hear or don't hear, everything depends on how YOU put yourself in the world around you.

that shows other people picture of the world which THEY live in (of which you are a part). Thus, contributing to their emotional condition and those again fed back to the world in your site thru their behaviour.

what happens when you are alone?

how about when you are both alone and lonely?

I know this is perhaps common knowledge. But, experiencing that on your own is a whole new experience. Its like you are the test subject of this psychological study and you are testing yourself!

live together die alone

2008-02-06T22:05:00.002+05:30

live together die alone
United we stand, divided we fall
एकता मैं शक्ती है।

Do any of these mean anything anymore?
Do we have any reason to fight among ourselves?
Do we really have any reasons to be together?

Based on some criteria, people form groups. Identify them to be belonging to a herd. Feel stronger by the comradeship, feel needed, and feel together. Some simple characteristic, mostly inherited by birth, unites people. If considered in isolation, this phenomenon is very beautiful. Men and women, who have nothing to owe to each other, come together and form a dense social structure, a team.
Help each other in the time of need. Rejoice in the harvest and share a drink in drought. People put their quarrels aside and join hands for greater good. Children and elderly people considered responsibility of the whole society. Hurdles in any common goal are crossed by team effort. As the herd grows, becomes stronger and richer, so does every member of it.
All owing to some common feature, some common characteristics shared by the group members. So much can be achieved if we work as a team, rather than individuals!

Reality check…
We are diverse creatures. We have many herds scattered around the globe. Separated by region, religion, language, skin…….

We constantly fight among each other, as individuals, as groups. Large portion of our history is full of wars. Large portion of our future seems clouded by more wars. Wars fought for good of one herd. Fighting to protect the values, the pride or the very existence of a society.

People united by region are diverse in language, religion.
Discriminated by castes and cults within religion.
If speaking same language, dialects differentiate.
Discrimination on basis of skin color and race. . . .
rich Vs. poor
smart Vs. dumb
mighty Vs. weak
spiritual Vs. materialistic
atheists Vs. believers
Punk Vs. ballet
young Vs. old
male Vs. female
you Vs. me…………

The list is ridiculously unending and potent.

It seems we are competing to collect as many labels as possible, branding ourselves high and demeaning others. Yet, in this brave new world, boundaries are no longer clear. It’s a great amalgam that we are a part off. Be careful while hurting somebody with a different label. You never know, you may be connected to them through some other link!

Que: What can stop this internal xenophobia? What banner can humanity be united under? What is that common thing which will unite us all?
Ans: Try humanity……

laughing among strangers

2008-02-02T19:03:00.001+05:30

Among strangers I laugh
Rejoice and be merry
Seize the day I say
Let there be no worry

Strangers are easy
So easy to fool
Not worried about me
C’mon yaar!! It’s all cool ;)

This mask feels better
This is so cozy
No hassle of emotions
No answers no questions

Heavy as hell this burden is
Peeling off my face
Soon I’ll be lost in these
No clue, no trace

I am

2008-01-28T21:12:00.002+05:30

Unaware I am of the purpose and the plan
Puzzled I am for the answers and the question
Enlightened I am of my own ignorance
Searching I am the unknown amidst the known

Nonsense 1

2008-01-28T20:23:00.001+05:30

I am full of questions and doubt
constantly seeking answers that sprout

I have friends indeed as they come when I need
and we be there for each others dirty deed

I dope on my daydreams, the weed of my mind
I go up and high, one of a kind

Gonna make things work, gonna turn things right
When I’m in charge, the future’s bright!

Just wait till I come, Just wait till I am ready
Dodging bullets!? Dude! Get real already!!

My Sacrifice

2008-01-28T16:18:00.002+05:30

Hello my friend, we meet again
It's been awhile, where should we begin?
Feels like forever....

Within my heart a memory
A perfect love that you gave to me
Oh, I remember ....................

When you are with me
I'm free
I'm careless, I believe

Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My Sacrifice

We've seen our share of ups and downs
Oh how quickly life can turn around
In an instant

It feels so good to realize
What's in yourself and within your mind
Let's find peace there
When you are with me I'm free
I'm careless, I believe

Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My Sacrifice

I just want to say hello again
I just want to say hello again

When you are with me I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes

Cause when you are with me I am free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My Sacrifice, My Sacrifice

I just want to say hello again
I just want to say hello again
My Sacrifice.

MY CERTAINTY

2008-01-25T20:53:00.001+05:30

Certainty is perfect knowledge. It is total security from error. Psychologically defined, it is the mental state of being without doubt. Objectively defined, certainty is total continuity and validity of all foundational inquiry, to the highest degree of precision. Something is certain only if no skepticism can occur. Philosophy (at least historically) seeks this state. It is widely held that certainty is a failed historical enterprise.

-- From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Certainty, a failed historical enterprise that we do not seek anymore…

Now, is that true?

While it is a widely accepted "fact" that we do not possess absolute knowledge of "life, universe and everything", we are sure that aforementioned statement is "certainly true”.

Why? Perhaps, all we know is all there is!
I see two approaches to pursue this question. One is the philosophers approach and the other is that of normal, day to day, "happy" person's.

Philosophers are out to know it. Whatever “it” is! So, perhaps those guys are prepared to accept the uncertain nature of the world. Here, I must say that uncertainty we are talking about is not due to our lack of knowledge. Our understanding of the world itself says that things are certainly uncertain. Everything is just a probability or improbability!

What about normal people? Do we not seek certainty in life and knowledge? Will it be OK for us to know and comprehend that NOTHING is really certain. We assume some things which are relatively less uncertain to be certain, to be really true. So many things are just taken for granted. Can you think of something which is absolutely certain?

But that again is not the proof that nothing is certain. Not knowing what the certain truth is does not mean it does not exist. It just means that we don’t know it yet!

May be the ultimate truth is that nothing is certain (probability 1). This, I believe, makes the world much more interesting place. With the inquisitive powers we posses, I am sure we shall never stop hunting for the ultimate explanation of everything. Say, there exists one such formula, it governs the whole universe and we know it. Then everything what is going to happen will be known! No choice, no freewill, no suspense! What would be fun in that?

I don’t want to know the future with “certainty”. If it’s bright, everything will be roses. But if not, I will be living in fear of impending inevitable doom till it actually comes.
I think I would be happy knowing the probabilities of things to come………

Boundin'

2008-01-21T23:36:00.001+05:30

Here’s a story on how strange is life with its changes
And it happened not long ago.
On a high mountain plain, where the sagebrush arranges
A playground south of the snow
Lived a lamb with a coat of remarkable sheen,
It would glint in the sunlight all sparkly and clean,
Such a source of great pride that it caused him to preen.
And he’d break out in high stepp’n dance.
He would dance for his neighbors across the way.
I must say that they found his dancin’ enhancin’,
For they’d also join in the play. Then one day…

Then one day sun rose with “ground realities” all around. Poor lamb never knew that it’s the shiny fluffy coat of wool that makes him so popular. It’s the dancing that entertains everyone else around and make them “befriend” the lamb. Not the lamb itself. Not because it was a good lamb who always followed the sheep and never wondered around. Not because his neighbors loved him. It was always give and take. Sugar coated.
Now, say the same lamb fell in a pit of mud, which by the way are found plenty around. Would any one care about him then? Would anyone care to help him out of the pit? And clean him? Well, unless it has something to offer in return, NO! That is how it works.

“I used to be something all covered with fluff,And I’d dance in the sunlight and show off my stuff,Then they hauled me away in a manner quite roughAnd sheared me and dropped me back here in the buff.And if that’s not enoughNow my friends all laugh at meCause they think I look ridiculous, funny, and pink.”

So he was shaved clean. Everyone thought he was funny and pink! No wooly coat to shine, no dancing to amuse. It’s worthless. Ya, the jackalope did come along. Did help the lamb out of the blues. Taught him to jump, jump high and touch the sky! It was popular with boundin’ again!
But this time the lamb got wise. A new thing to sell. A new trait to cash! And you could get whatever you want in exchange. Fame, riches, affection, love… jut name it! It made a deal with the devil then… sold it soul and got a tailor-made conscience, which now suits this brave new world. Where everything can be bought and everything is sold. Not necessarily money, but everything comes with a price tag. May it be love, may it be faith. Measure, weight and make your bid…

So every year, along about May,
They’d load him up and they’d haul him away,
And they’d shave him and dump him all naked and bare.
He learned to live with it, he didn’t care,
He’d just bound, bound, bound, and rebound.

2008-01-14T18:44:00.000+05:30

Gifts and Curses

Mary belongs to the words of a song.
I try to be strong for her, try not to be wrong for her.
But she will not wait for me, anymore, anymore.
Why did I say all those things before? I was sure.

(She is the one), but I have a purpose,
(she is the one), and I have to fight this,
(she is the one), a villian I can't knock down.

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say,
still I will always fight on for you.

Mary's alive in the bright New York sky,
the city lights shine for her, above them I cry for her.
Everything's small on the ground below, down below.
What if I fall, then where would I go, would she know?

(She is the one), all that I wanted,
(she is the one), and I will be haunted,
(she is the one), this gift is my curse for now.

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say,
Still I will always fight on for you. Fight on for you ...

Her New Horizons...

2007-12-14T20:35:00.003+05:30

Imagine this.........
After a night of blissful sleep, a pleasantly chilly morning wakes you up.
Warmth of young sun, sweet snugly dreams and you. . .

And you smile.
You smile because you know, you have every reason to be merry.
To believe those sunny dreams to realize in your today and tomorrow.

That exact feeling, is all she is!

Sometimes I wonder, what was it that made her so graceful?
Was it that naughty little sparkle in her smile?
Perhaps the voice that always seem to sing?
Her face said more than her words and your words are always heartfelt...
She could comfort the saddest and calm the angriest.
Like barren volcanic wasteland turned into fields of blooming new life.
Radiance, radiance all over..........

I wont call her a goddess though.
Goddess sounds like a proud and uptight creature.
She is more like a fay. A playful angel born to bring happiness and hope among the lives of us mortals.

For a time we were together.
and it was good........
I was hers and she was my happily ever after.
Those were the days when I learnt to live, learnt to feel.
Live for something more than survival.
More than success, money, fame or any other material want.

The connection we shared was pure.
Her angelic presence lit up my mind, soul and the path lay ahead.
It was so clear! It felt so right!
I had every want within my grasp, every obstacle a mole hill and every sorrow had more than silver lining.

So, WE were. WE ruled over my SELF and I happily obliged! I thought,

"WE can do anything and everything!

WE can scale the mountains

WE can soar the blue sky

WE can create a world of blossoms,

where WE and OURS shall lie!"

Swimming the sea of bliss WE were.

unaware and unprepared of the storms to come perhaps.

Everything that has a beginning has an end, they say.
Curse them!
Something of that sort, happened to US too...

I was told dreams don't mean much.
Nothing more than a cover my unconscious mind pulls to shelter from burning, scorching, mid day reality.

"No! Never!! Dreams Don't come true. Not for YOU!.."

Voices filling my mind-space....
But they don't seem to mind my nightmares coming true!

Hunting me with torches and pitchforks, shouting and screaming..

"Ha Ha! I told you so! Looser..."

and laughing at me.............

So, there it is! Bare and naked corpse of WE. Cold and waiting to buried deep in time. locked in mind.

"WE Tried allot, WE fought so hard! But in the end WE didn't make it!"

I was found telling.
Stupid, worthless coward!!
Like any of those excuses matter now!
She is gone forever and the dreams she brought. there is no more WE left. only misery, loneliness and I.
What do I want? Sympathy? Revenge? Resurrection?
Never mind I..........

What happens to her?
She, the angel of radiance, seems infected with darkness.
That's what she got for stepping down.
That's what she got for trying to create a life among unworthy....
She shall pay for her kindness and her beauty.

Like every fallen angel does.

But then again, angels don't remain fallen forever!!
She is strong and understanding. Everyone loves her for what she is.

I can right now see her rising.
Gaining her powers and brilliantly shining!
Going away from pain is she.
Deleting every tress of me.

Unworthy I am of her love and her company

Wish she finds everything

Needs, wants and even more

in Her New Horizons........

Orcs and Elves

2007-11-17T20:47:00.002+05:30

It’s in my nature to find relation/connection between stuff. May it be similarities or differences, things are inevitably non-unique. I just seem to stumble upon various patterns of events. Fundamental rules or mannerism that everything and everybody follows. To me, it’s like all things; even seemingly unrelated things have a common governing code...

There is a work of fiction, created by Mr. J. R. R. Tolkien. "The lord of the rings" and middle earth! If not the books, I am sure many people are familiar with the movie trilogy. Let us pick two races of fictional beings from middle earth. Elves and Orcs...

Elves are the first children of god. Most gifted and heavenly creatures. Similar to humans but taller, fairer and wiser. with greater spiritual powers, keener senses, and a closer empathy with nature. They are immortal (almost), immune to diseases and can recover from fatal wounds. These are the creatures that would live happily ever after.
Orcs, on the other hand are creatures manifested by the evil will of their masters. Miserable beings who hate the world. They serve their master only out of fear. They don't create anything but destruction. They are restless, always hungry. Cannibalism among Orcs is not prohibited. Truly hellish life (?) the orcs live.

Now, what is real human culture like? Are we like Elves? Are we like Orcs? What traits do we show compared to these extremes of cultural entities? When observing the wide cultural spectrum humans have developed, we come to one conclusion. From peaceful sophisticated citizen of state to a bunch of raiding tribesmen. From monotheists or polytheists to atheists. People across all boundaries of region, religion, language or skin color...

They all have children whom they love and protect.
They all get hungry, sick or old.
All cultures enjoy music, dance and other sorts of arts.
Everyone seeks a moment of peace after having fully satisfying meal.
They all feel love, hate, agony, jealousy

So, as long as we are speaking of generalized human civilization, we have to stick to a staple of needs and norms. What I am trying to say is, on a very basic level, we are all the same. We need the same conditions to live and prosper.

We don't live in a utopia. I mean come on! We all know life sucks. It’s the misery that makes it real. We have tried to get that perfection, but no system, society or rule has achieved this goal. Every attempt to create a utopia has failed. Show me one which succeeded and I shall go to packing my bags! The reason is simple. We live in a closed system where entropy (disorder) will constantly increase. Anybody who wants all things neat and tidy must put in some effort into it. Efforts increase exponentially as the level of neatness approaches to Utopian perfection. And we as a society simply don't have that capability or resources or energy necessary for that task. We don't do no magic you eh!?
We are soooo nootttt elvish!

Let us look at the other extreme now. Do we live in constant fear, pain or hatred? Most of us don't. And those who do, seek to get out of the shadow. One way or the other. With all the violence negativity and self destructive nature, I was wondering how the society of orcs will sustain itself. Or any other orcish culture for that matter. If I was an orc, I would rather bloody kill myself than live! I believe in humanity. I believe that everyone has goodness at their heart. We do fight among each other. Think and do terrible things against those around us. But fighting is not all we do! We create things. Beautiful things. Songs, music, paintings, statues, and epic stories to be told for generations and treasured. Those are no orc characteristics!

No we are not Orcs. We just can not be that way! Such society will never sustain itself. And we are!? Well, almost.........

What say you??

Love

2007-11-17T00:21:00.001+05:30

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

- Neil Gaiman

Madman!!!

2007-08-19T12:09:00.000+05:30

When my sorrow was born I nursed it with care, and watched over it with loving tenderness. And my Sorrow grew like all living things, strong and beautiful and full of wondrous delights.And we loved one another, my Sorrow and I, and we loved the world about us; for Sorrow had a kindly heart and mine was kindly with Sorrow.And when we conversed, my Sorrow and I, our days were winged and our nights were girdled with dreams; for Sorrow had an eloquent tongue, and mine was eloquent with Sorrow.And when we sang together, my Sorrow and I, our neighbors sat at their windows and listenend; for our songs were deep as the sea and our melodies were full of strange memories.And when we walked together, my Sorrow and I, people gazed at us with gentle eyes and whispered in words of exceeding sweetness. And there were those who looked with envy upon us, for Sorrow was a noble thing and I was proud with Sorrow.But my Sorrow died, like all living things, and alone I am left to muse and ponder.And now when I speak my words fall heavily upon my ears.And when I sing my songs my neighbours come not to listen.And when I walk the streets no one looks at me.Only in my sleep I hear voices saying in pity, "See, there lies the man whose Sorrow is dead."

And

when my joy was born I held it in my arms and stood on the house-top shouting, "Come ye, my neighbours, come and see, for Joy this day is born unto me. Come and behold this gladsome thing that laugheth in the sun."But none of my neighbours came to look upon my Joy, and great was my astonishment.And every day for seven moons I proclaimed my Joy from the house-top -- and yet no one heeded me. And my Joy and I were alone, unsought and unvisited.Then my Joy grew pale and weary because no other heart but mine held its loveliness and no other lips kissed its lips.Then my Joy died of isolation.And now I only remember my dead Joy in remembering my dead Sorrow. But memory is an autumn leaf that murmurs in the wind and then is heard no more.

- Kahlil Gibran

Better of alone

2007-07-02T12:02:00.002+05:30

what is the answer to life, universe and everything?
answer to the ultimate question..

NOOOOOOOOO
its not 42
and nothing else as naive as that...

in fact, there is no ultimate question...
no answer that will satisfy everyone

its all about YOU...
its all about your own battles...
your own apocalypses....
in the end we are all on our own...
alone........

i used to be guy who believed in stuff
stuff like "honesty is the best policy"
"live and let live"
or
the classic
"you get what you give".....

what a load of crap!!

i advocated naivety and believing in humanity and goodness ones
but now, wanna shout out loud

THE WORLD DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY!!!

its still all animal inside
as a matter of fact
intellect, thought and emotions have given new weapons to that animal
its not live and let live
its kill or get killed

now i am not actually talking about people killing each other
at least not physically
but every now and then somebody is dying inside and dying again
bleeding just to cover it up and wear a face with smile real enough to fool this world
stabbed so many times by hands of people so unexpected
that its the expectations which hurt and not the stab

this world is genocidal for the innocences of the innocent
inexplicably, inescapably........

negative, isn't it?
well....................
"welcome, to the real world"

my thing....

2007-06-23T09:21:00.002+05:30

hidden
blogging is not my thing...

strange thing to write on my blog!

this is not an excuse. Just a plain vanilla feeling I have.
I mean, I don't really 'know' what I was thinking when i decided to write a blog!
I don't really have a profound inspiration to start writing.no clouds to send messages with, no tragedy to create legends....
no competitions, not an artistic urge, not even money!!
and still,
I am going to do this.
Off course, I hope someone would read this..
and hit me back with somethin ummmmm......whatever
I know most of them wont...
but can I blame them?
the fact is, i dont know what I am offering here...
I am no poet or writer, I don't have that skill of sketching a person with strokes of words.
or twisted lil' stories from neverland.
in fact, I am a the worst story teller I know!!

so, I am not promising anything to to the reader.
not even correct spellings or syntax!!
I am just gonna blurt out whatever comes to my mind...
yup, WHATEVER!!!

What? Why? How?

2007-06-23T03:17:00.003+05:30

Questions, I am perpetually haunted by...
Is this same for you?
Well, the answers I find are never entierly satisfactory nor valid perpetualy.
Most importantly they tend to get lost. Lost in translation to action!
Here goes my attempt in the context of "writing"...
What should I write?
I should write things I want to publish, to share with people (who are interested to read off course).
Get their thoughts on my thoughts and may be give them somehting to think about.
Why whould I write?
Because I feel like talking to the world and be heard!?
Because I think I have something to show around. No wisdom, no preachings.
Just another sea shell I find amusing.
Just another cloud I think looks like an elephant!
How should I write?
Tricky question hannn!?
Dont really know how.
I aint got no sense of creative writing!
A technogeek like me can only be lucid with equations and graphs.
How about this? I'll let it evolve!
Grow with time, flow with time.

neo!!

2007-06-22T20:10:00.000+05:30

hello world!